Sylvia Plath, Central Park, and Daisy Chains

Yesterday was warm and wonderful. I did nothing. At all. There was the parade for about fifteen minutes outside in the morning, but other than that it was close to five fifteen before I exited the building heading to church at Redeemer, then to dinner with M, E, and B. And this morning I actually awoke at 10 which confirms that I actually (hallelujah!) got some rest this weekend. Then SB and I hit up the Central Park Zoo which, aside from the ridiculous heat and fish smell of the park, was extremely impressive and fun. Then while SB rented one of the boats at the pond by the statues of Hans Christian Anderson and Alice in Wonderland I sat and read on a hill overlooking the boys with the boats, vendors with their carts, and nannies with their kids. I felt cliche braiding daisies into my hair while reading Sylvia Plath in Central Park but sort of wonderful at the same time. Then the clouds let loose and rain all silver and cool dropped on me and SB as we wandered our way back to the subway and towards home. Then dinner with M (here's your shout out sweetie!) at Kimmel and an hour or so spent at Washington people watching and listening to the saxophonist by the fountain and now I'm back chilling with the roomies (holy crap they are HILARIOUS) and well, in a strange mood.

You know how I had that ear infection earlier this week. Well so far it's caused me to lose most of the hearing in my left ear, I'm pretty sure it will come back but it's a strange feeling not being able to hear out of one side of your head. Like everything your listening to, whether it's a band in the park, or your friends at lunch, or the audio from your computer, is coming from a vacuum. Sitting in the park tonight I could key in very specific conversations coming from the right of me both having to do with interns trying to make connections in the city. All I could think of was, crap I'm so far behind. Yeah, I get the whole I'm in the city for the summer and have an internship at Rolling Stone but this city is so fast, so advanced, where if you want to make it you better bust your butt and be two years ahead of the rest. I don't want to lose myself to the city, to the bustle and speed and impersonality of it all. Of course this is part of what I love about New York, the fast pace of everything here is so different from the slow and easy movement of Mississippi and the excitement, so new and seductive makes me wish I could stay here forever. But there are times, few and far between, but times still, that I feel so lost in this city of over 8 million, where I'm just so desperate to make it happen, to prove that I can make it here- proving I can make it anywhere. But without losing myself in the proving. Does that make sense?

Sorry- that wasn't exactly the most exciting or happy of posts. But this is supposed to be a documentation of my time in New York and that's where I am tonight. Good night loves from the heat and beauty of New York at night.

-Mandy